I have been emailing the Revernd who is organizing the trip to Africa and he has been very kind about all of it. Those of you who know me, know that I can get a bit compulsive about money and stuff and as the Revernd is finding out, that is not such a picnic. The bad part about all of this is not that the Reverend is getting to see the ugly side of me, the bad part is that he is seeing the ugly side of the girl who likes his son, whom she happens to work with. I am sure they talk about these kinds of things and the Revernd has encouraged me to talk to Chris about my money issues but how do you tell the guy you like, the guy who told you that he is not ready for a relationship, that money is so tight that you feel like you are choking? It is one thing to talk to his father, who is a Reverend, but to talk to him, face to face or over the phone, or in an even more impersonal way, through email? What the Hell am I supposed to say? I still like this man, I still want to be with him, and in a few short months, we will be in Africa together. What the hell am I supposed to say? "Hey, I know that you are uncomfortable being around me but do you think we could talk so I can cry to you about all my money problems?" "Hey, can you help me pay for Africa even though you only want to be involved with me at work?" Not to mention the fact that I am totally jealous of this sub at our school who gets to see him everyday and talk to him everyday and who I think is going to end up going out with him. What the hell am I supposed to say? Of course I still cling to the hope that he will change his mind and decided to go out with me but at the same time I have to be realistic. I mean, I am a slightly over-weight Boricua whose hair is so unmanageable that I have to have it relaxed about every two months just so I can put it in a ponytail, and I have extravagnt dreams and goals that often reach beyond my means and make me crazy...and yet I do them anyway! How the hell do you say something like this to someone? What am I supposed to say? No, no, thank you. I think the guy has had enough of me as it is. I think I will limit our talks to things about what the trip will be like and how the weather is and work. No personal stuff or I may as well give up all hope of ever even being able to talk to him again, let alone be in a relationship with him. What the hell????